416 blonde jokes. > As my note below states, I believe this to be the most > complete list of blonde jokes around. It contains > offensive material, so if you are offended by such > things, please leave this page now ! >------------------------------------------------------- > > The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes > -------------------------------------- > > 1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? > A: Gifted! > > 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? > A: Alone. > > 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? > A: Pregnant. > > 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? > A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. > > 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? > A: Artificial intelligence. > > 6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair? > A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) > A2: By doing the splits. > > 7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? > A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! > > 8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? > A: Nothing. They've never met. > > 9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? > A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! > > 10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? > A: After a dye job. > > 11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? > A1: She'd just dyed her hair. > A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around > too much. > > 12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? > A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. > > 13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? > A: You can park in the handicap zone. > > 14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? > A: An IN-body experience! > > 15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? > A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back. > > 16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a > recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? > A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked. > > 17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? > A: Humpme Dumpme. > > 18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? > A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. > > 19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? > A: Shine a torch in her ears. > > 20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? > A: It takes too long to retrain them. > > 21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? > A: There's white-out on the screen. > Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? > A: There's writing on the white-out. > > 22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? > A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. > > 23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? > A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go > down on you. > > 24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? > A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. > > 25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? > A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! > > 26. Q: How do you kill a blonde? > A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. > > 27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? > A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. > > 28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? > A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those > little packages. > > 29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? > A: All you can eat, under a buck. > > 30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? > A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. > > 31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? > A1: They can't find the zipper. > A2: They cant find the pull tab. > > 32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? > A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. > > 33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? > A: To put their feet through. > > 34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? > A: Her ankles. > > 35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? > A: Because red means stop. > > 36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? > A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." > > 37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? > A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. > > 38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? > A: They chip their teeth. > > 39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? > A: They make good ankle warmers. > > 40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? > A: Remove their underwear. > > 41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? > A: Cause their balls show! > > 42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? > A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" > > 43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? > A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" > > 44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? > A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. > > 45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call? > A: Has that blonde gone yet? > A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? > A3: "All the blondes have gone home!" > > 46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? > A: Because they can spell it. > > 47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in > effect in Canada) > A: Because they can spell it. > > 48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde? > A: 69 plus G.S.T. > > 49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? > A: Toes Go In First. > > 50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? > A: Tits Go In Front. > > 51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? > A: An interpreter. > > 52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? > A: A mental block. > > 53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? > A1: Blow in her ear. > A2: Buy her another beer. > > 54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? > A: "Have another beer." > > 55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? > A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. > > 56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? > A1: Introduces themself. > A2: Walks home. > > 57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? > A: Fertilized. > > 58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? > A: Unfertilized. > > 59. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? > A: Opens the car door. > > 60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? > A: Kick open the car door. > > 61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? > A: More head room. > > 62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? > A: More leg room. > > 63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? > A: Bucket seats. > > 64. Q: What do blondes say after sex? > A1: "Thanks, Guys!" > A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?" > A3: Do you guys all play for the ? > A4: Who were all those guys? > > 65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? > A: Because everybody gets a turn. > > 66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? > A: Because she's been laid all over the country. > > 67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? > A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? > > 68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? > A: *Who cares?* > > 69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms? > A: So they know when to stop having sex! > > 70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? > A1: She drops her nail-file! > A2: Who cares? > A3: She says, "Next". > A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. > A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. > A6: I mean, who really cares? > A7: The batteries have run out. > > 71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? > A: "Thanks for the refill!" > > 72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? > A: Data transfer. > > 73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings? > A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping. > > 74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? > A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering > what she did with her pencil. > > 75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her > nametag) ? > A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" > > 76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? > A1: Because they don't know any better. > A2: They are easier to keep amused. > > 77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? > A1: "What's a lightbulb?" > A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. > A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" > > 78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? > A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!" > > 79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? > A: A wine cellar. > > 80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? > A: Peroxide. > > 81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? > A: They're doing research on black holes. > > 82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? > A1: They both have a black box. > A2: Both have a cockpit. > > 83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? > A: Not everyone has been in a 747. > > 84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? > A: Not everybody has been in a limo. > > 85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? > A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? > > 86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? > A: "Are you sure it's mine?" > > 87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? > A: A wind tunnel. > > 88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? > A: A dope ring. > > 89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart > blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. > Who picks it up? > A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, > the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. > A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth > Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum > wrapper. > > 90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? > A: To see what was on the other side. > > 91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? > A: Pull the pin and throw it back. > > 92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill? > A: So they know what day of the week it is. > > 93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? > A: Because it kept falling out. > > 94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? > A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! > > 95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the > ground first? > A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. > > 96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? > A: Her IQ goes up! > > 97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? > A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys. > > 98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? > A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. > > 99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? > A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. > > 100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? > A: Butter is difficult to spread. > > 101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? > A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. > A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball. > A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have > three holes to poke. > A4: You don't eat your bowling ball > > 102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? > A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. > > 103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? > A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic". > > 104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? > A: Bigfoot has been spotted. > > 105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? > A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone. > > 106. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? > A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. > > 107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of > York? > A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men. > > 108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? > A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it > won't follow you around for a week. > > 109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? > A: They both get easier to pick-up with age. > > 110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? > A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets. > > 111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? > A: They're both empty from the neck up. > > 112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common? > A: They both wriggle when you eat them. > > 113. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? > A: So she could lip read. > > 114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? > A: They both have black roots. > > 115. Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head? > A: Sweet Fuck All... > > 116. Q: How do you drown a blonde? > A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. > A2: Don't tell her to swallow. > A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. > > 117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool? > A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. > > 118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs? > A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. > > 119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? > A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. > A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. > A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms. > > 120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? > A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. > > 121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date? > A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home. > > 122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer? > A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. > I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." > > 123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? > A: Change. > > 124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? > A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor! > > 125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry? > A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex! > > 126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? > A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do. > > 127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? > A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." > > 128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? > A: She threw it off a cliff. > > 129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? > A: She drowns it. > > 130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw > puzzle in only 6 months? > A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. > > 131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? > A: "Nice tits!" > > 132. Q: How does a blonde high-5? > A: She smacks herself in the forehead. > > 133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? > A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. > > 134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts? > A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor. > > 135. Q: Why do blondes have legs? > A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground. > A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. > A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails. > > 136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around > and come home? > A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a > television. > > 137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? > A1: The blonde! > A2: The other guys waiting their turn. > > 138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? > A: Flattered. > > 139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? > A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". > > 140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked > up by "the fuzz"? > A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits." > > 141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? > A: Frosted Flakes. > > 142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? > A: Frosted Flakes. > > 143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? > A: A 69 interrupted by a period. > > 144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and > a terrorist? > A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. > > 145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? > A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" > > 146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? > A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. > A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. > > 147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed? > A: Because they always burn their nipples. > > 148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? > A: She kept having affairs with men! > > 149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? > A: To cover up the valve stem. > > 150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? > A: Spot. > > 151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? > A: A Space Invader. > > 152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group? > A: Air Supply. > > 153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? > A: The back of her head. > > 154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's? > A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE! > > 155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? > A: Tell them a joke on Friday night! > > 156. Q: Why did God create blondes? > A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. > Q: Why did God create brunettes? > A: Neither could the blondes. > > 157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? > A: Branch Manager. > > 158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? > A: She fell out of the tree. > > 159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? > A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. > A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell > if they're going to work or coming home. > > 160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? > A: A blonde electrician. > > 161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? > A1: So brunettes can remember them. > A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. > A3: So men can understand them. > > 162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde? > A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children! > > 163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde? > A1: A golden retriever. > A2: A labrador. > A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover. > > 164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words? > A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. > > 165. Q: Why do blondes have periods? > A: They deserve them. > > 166. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? > A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. > > 167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? > A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. > > 168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period? > A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her? > > 169. Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"? > A: She liked to be filled with cream. > > 170. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? > A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?" > > 171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes? > A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. > > 172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? > A: By the ears. > > 173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? > A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. > > 174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? > A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them. > > 175. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? > A: Proofreading. > > 176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? > A: For throwing out the W's. > > 177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car? > A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. > > 178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? > A: Last year's hide and seek champ. > > 179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? > A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. > > 180. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly > pygmies? > A: One's a bunch a cunning runts. > > 181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal? > A: One's a busy ditch. > > 182. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? > A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. > > 183. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? > A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a > blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." > > 184. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? > A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. > > 185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? > A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. > > 186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? > A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline. > > 187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, > and a blonde? > A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" > The nympho says, "Are you done already?" > The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." > > 188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? > A: Tell her she's pregnant. > Q: What will she ask you? > A: "Is it mine?" > > 189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? > A: An air bag. > > 190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde > drives a car? > A: Cause she blows the horn! > > 191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? > A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. > > 192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? > A: To turn the blinker off. > > 193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? > A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. > > 194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech, varoom...screech, > varoom...screech.....? > A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing > red light. > > 195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? > A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. > > 196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death > in their car at a drive-in movie theater? > A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". > > 197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? > A: By the buckle print on her forehead. > > 198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? > A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her > forehead. > > 199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment? > A: She can't say "No". > > 200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican? > A: Retardo. > > 201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? > A: A visitor. > > 202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? > A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. > > 203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? > A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces. > > 204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? > A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. > > 205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? > A: Perri-air. > > 206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? > A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. > > 207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor? > A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period. > > 208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? > A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! > > 209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? > A: The Air Pump! > > 210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? > A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! > > 211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? > A: Because she got an F in sex. > > 212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? > A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. > > 213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? > A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!? > A2: I don't know. > R: Neither did she. > > 214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? > A: She missed. > > 215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see > where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her. > > 216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw > a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, > she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. > > On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said > "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she > had cleaned 43 restrooms. > > 217. How about the suicide blonde, > she dyed by her own hand. > > 218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette > says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, > looks up, and says, "Where?" > > 219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the > wrong way on a one-way street. > Cop: Do you know where you were going? > Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the > people were leaving. > > 220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. > "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?" > "Driver's licence? What's that?..." > "It's a little card with your picture on it." > "Oh, duh! Here it is..." > "May I have your car insurance?" > "What's that?..." > "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." > "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." > The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde > exclaims: > "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!" > > 221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we > could do without the ironing lady. > Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do > without the gardener. > > 222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: > Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! > Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. > Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. > Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy. > > 223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of > them decides to call 911: > > Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing > a light bulb. > Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? > Blonde: Yes. > Operator: The power in the house in on? > Blonde: Of course. > Operator: And the switch is on? > Blonde: Yes, yes. > Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? > Blonde: No, it's working fine. > Operator: Then what's the problem? > Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and > we all fell and hurt ourselves. > > 224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins? > He wanted to know who the other man was... > > 225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a > redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the > mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm > going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got > really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too > tired to go on, so she drowned. > The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made > it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here > and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more > endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even > got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. > So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think > I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, > 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, > but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. > > 226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when > the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull > you finger out, I'll sink?" > > 227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down > and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks > and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. > Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one > half hour later they were both killed by a train. > > 228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what > was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. > Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about > the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and > suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook." > > 229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of > their Mercedes with a coat hanger. > > Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! > > Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting > to rain and the top is down! > > 230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying > overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over > her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've > hit me right in the face!!!" > > Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly." > > 231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly > Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into > Heaven, you have to pass a test." > "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. > "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. > The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" > "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter > Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! > Andy tells me..." > > 232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out > a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it > was volume seven of the encyclopaedia... > > 233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": > "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!" > > 234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the > bartender: > Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." > Bartender:"What is a B and C?". > Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." > Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." > Bartender: "What's a G and T?" > Redhead: "Gin and tonic." > Blonde: "I'll have a 15." > Bartender: "What's a 15?" > Blonde: "7 and 7" > > 235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they > just don't remember who with. > > 236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw > a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver > blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like > that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I > know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her." > > 237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the > slogan "Billions Served - just today" > > 238. Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day. > A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil. > > 239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? > A: The rest are hunt'n peckers. > > 240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? > A: An air bag. > > 241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? > A: It's too hard to re-train them. > > 242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men. > A: Their heels. > > 243. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? > A: They don't know the route. > > 244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? > A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. > > 245. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? > A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board. > > 246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? > A: Thirty minutes of begging. > > 247. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? > A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. > > 248. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? > A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. > A2: Only one person can use the phone at once. > > 249. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? > A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen. > > 250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless > Ming vase? > A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." > > 251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? > A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. > > 252. Q: How do you plant dope? > A: Bury a blonde. > > 253. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? > A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades. > > 254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? > A: Wave to her. > > 255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? > A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum) > > 256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? > A: And I thought blondes were dumb! > > 257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? > A: A know-it-all bitch. > > 258. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a > skinny blonde? > A: One's a phony buck. > > 259. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and > a magician? > A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts. > > 260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? > A: One that never misses a period. > > 261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is? > A: An Italian suppository. > > 262. Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands? > A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place. > > 263. Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and > eating Jell-o? > A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it. > > 264. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? > A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do. > A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't > stop until it gets blood. > > 265. Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses? > A: She was having sunny periods. > > 266. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? > A: Her feet! > > 267. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? > A: When she farts, her knees bag. > > 268. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? > A: Marriage. > > 269. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan? > A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat. > > 270. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde? > A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on. > > 271. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? > A: You don't. They're born that way. > > 272. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down? > A: Marry her. > > 273. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? > A: The cow fell on her. > > 274. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? > A: Bobbing for french fries. > > 275. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? > A: She has a checkbook. > > 276. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? > A: There is a stamp on it. > > 277. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? > A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. > > 278. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with > PMS? > A: Lipstick. > > 279. Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? > A: So she can have a doggie bag for later. > > 280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? > A: Because they can understand them. > > 281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? > A: They think someone is taking their picture. > > 282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a > flat forehead? > A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! > > 283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? > A: From eating with forks. > > 284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? > A: From dating blonde men. > > 285. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons? > A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too. > > 286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? > A: Wishful Thinking. > > 287. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? > A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. > > 288. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? > A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. > > 289. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? > A1: They can't remember the number. > A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. > > 290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes? > A: A brunette with bad breath. > > 291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? > A: Reservations. > > 292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? > A: They pull up their pants. > > 293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? > A: Air bubbles. > > 294. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a > street corner? > A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks! > > 295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian? > A: A waste. > > 296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? > A: An air mattress. > > 297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? > A: Divorcee' > > 298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes? > A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, > four bucks. > > 299. Q: What does a blonde owl say? > A: What, what? > > 300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? > A: A brain tumor. > > 301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? > A: Two brunettes. > > 302. Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common? > A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday. > Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev? > A: He knows who the ten men were. > > 303. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? > A: To see what was on the other side. > > 304. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? > A: Too many blondes were drowning. > > 305. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq? > A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water. > > 306. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? > A: From crawling across the street when the sign said > "DON'T WALK". > > 307. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? > A: In case she locks the keys in her car. > > 308. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? > A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. > > 309. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian? > A: Because she loved children. > > 310. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, > who would die first? > A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to > stop and ask for directions. > > 311. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? > A: Grade 4. > > 312. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? > A: Third Grade. > > 313. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? > A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it. > > 314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? > A: 144 blondes. > > 315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? > A: Because at 69 they blow a rod... > > 316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist? > A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters. > > 317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? > A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. > > 318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? > A: They both drip when they're fucked. > > 319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: > "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" > A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! > > 320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? > A: It swells at night. > > 321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. > She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" > A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" > > 322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should > cut it in six or twelve pieces. > A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." > > 323. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? > A: Locking the car door. > > 324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test? > A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat. > > 325. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents > occur around the home? > A: She moved. > > 326. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? > A: A blonde parade. > > 327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? > A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. > > 328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her > husband's car? > A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. > > 329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. > She told me she didn't know how to cook them. > > 330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In > the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor > wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out > "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would > like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked > to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was > somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said > she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this > down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" > The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" > "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying > sod across the street. > > 331. Did you hear about the blonde who: > > 1 had more on her body than on her mind? > 2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? > 3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice? > 4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? > 5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient? > 6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? > 8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? > 9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy > cat? > 10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller > girls? > 11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? > 12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam? > > 332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the > arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just > know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was > on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a > boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, > "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!" > > 333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal > checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the > baby concieved ?" > "He was on top ", she replyed. > "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed. > > The second woman was asked the same question. > "I was on top ", was the reply. > "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. > > With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. > "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. > "Am I going to have puppies ?"..... > > 334. Blondes... > They take a lickin', and keep on... > Lickin! > > 335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" > referred to her ears? > > 336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up. > > 337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out > at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes > off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, > she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!" > > 338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His > boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can > you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the > boss's positive comments he finally agrees. > A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can > practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How > much for a box of rubbers?" > "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." > "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on." > > 339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display > and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." > "Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk. > "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms." > > 340. Another blonde in the porno shop: > She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" > He answers, "$35." > She: "How much for the black one?" > He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." > She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one > before." > She pays him, and off she goes. > A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the > black dildo?" > He: "$35." > She: "How much for the white one?" > He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." > She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white > one before..." > She pays him, and off she goes. > About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much > are your dildos?" > He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." > She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" > He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." > She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've > never had a plaid one before...." > She pays him, and off she goes. > Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was > gone?" > To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white > dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!" > > 341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde > he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to > replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and > right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty hot, > so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks > in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those." > > 342. Blonde Medical Terminology > > Anally -- occurring yearly > Artery -- study of paintings > Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria > Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails > Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U > Caesarian section -- district in Rome > Cat scan -- searching for kitty > Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her > Colic -- sheep dog > Coma -- a punctuation mark > Congenital -- friendly > D&C -- where Washington is > Diarrhea -- journal of daily events > Dilate -- to live long > Enema -- not a friend > Fester -- quicker > Fibula -- a small lie > Genital -- non-Jewish > G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game > Grippe -- suitcase > Hangnail -- coathook > Impotent -- distinguished, well known > Intense pain -- torture in a teepee > Labour pain -- got hurt at work > Medical staff -- doctor's cane > Morbid -- higher offer > Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate > Node -- was aware of > Outpatient -- person who had fainted > Pap smear -- fatherhood test > Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis > Post operative -- letter carrier > Protein -- favouring young people > Rectum -- damn near killed 'em > Recovery room -- place to do upholstery > Rheumatic -- amorous > Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf > Secretion -- hiding anything > Seizure -- Roman emperor > Serology -- study of knighthood > Tablet -- small tablet > Terminal illness -- sickness at airport > Tibia -- country in North Africa > Tumour -- an extra pair > Urine -- opposite of you're out > Varicose -- located nearby > Vein -- conceited > > 343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? > A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little > packet. > > 344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? > A: Blow in her ear. > > 345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? > A: To keep her ankles warm. > A2: To keep her neck warm > > 346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? > A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what > she did with her cigarette. > > 347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? > A: Way to go team! > > 348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? > A: By the chipped tooth. > > 349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? > A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) > > 350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? > A: To keep from bruising their ears. > > 352. Why does a blonds bra say T.G.I.F? > Tits go in first. > > 352. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas? > A: So guys will talk to them at parties. > > 353. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle? > A: Rebel without a clue. > > 354. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE? > A: Full. > > 355. Imitation of a blonde refuelling.. > (Flap hand, blowing air into ears) > > 356. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES? > A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples. > > 357. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" > A: "No, I just lie there." > > 358. Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning? > A: "Thanks, guys..." > > 359. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL? > A: AIR POCKETs. > > 360. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? > A: They're too hard to peel. > > 361 Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute > and her four blonde friends? > A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks. > > 362. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain > surgery on a blonde? > A: "Space. The final frontier......" > > 363. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals > team? > A: Just One... Boomer Esiason. > > 364. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? > A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. > > 365. Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner? > A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms. > > 366. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? > A: So she could keep the refriderator cold. > > 367. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto > Maple Leafs? > A: She fell out of the tree. > > 368 Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? > A: A thought. > > 369. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? > A: One. > > 370. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? > A: She didn't know what ONE came first... > > 371 Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex? > A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers. > A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full. > > 372 Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? > A: Divorced. > > 373 Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole? > A: Divorced. > > 374. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that > her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and > Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, > > "How do you give shoulders?" > > 375. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage? > Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week. > Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out. > > 376. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? > A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the > blow dryer! > > > 377. Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp? > A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. > > > 378 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? > A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night. > > 379. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her > lawyer > explained to her that she needed a liquor license? > > "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!" > > > 380. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections? > A: A wine and cheese party! > > 381. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ? > A: She wasn't used to the front seat! > > 382. (Visual Joke) > Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? > A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions) > > 383. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? > A: She picks up her purse and goes home. > > 384. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? > A: The vegetable garden. > > 385. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? > A: One. > > 386. Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde > and a Schwinn at the side of the road? > A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . . > > 387. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? > Blonde: I don't know. Why? > Teller: It was easier to spell. > Blonde: Easier than what? > > 388. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? > A: She liked kids... > > 389 Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? > A: Far-from-thinkin > > 390 Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? > A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. > > 391 Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? > A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. > > 392 A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? > > She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick > Manuever. > > 393 Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? > A: She missed the Earth! > > > 394 Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? > A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. > > 395. STATE OF OHIO > DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE > 451 HIGH STREET > George Voinovich COLUMBUS, OH 43210 Ralph G. Pacheco > Governor Phone (614) 445-8627 Director > FAX (614) 445-3225 > > > > BULLETIN NO. 91-92 > ------------------ > > DATE: January 7, 1992 > TO: All Ohio Insurance Agents > FROM: Ohio Department of Insurance > SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches > Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 97-12, all motor > vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after February 15, 1992, will be required > to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. The dimmer > switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing > the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from > the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion. > > Included in the above act and beginning June 1, 1992, all other vehicles > with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a > floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described above. The steering > column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from the vehicle. > Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming Ohio > Safety Inspection program which will begin on this date. > > It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving public. > However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety. Ohio > DMV Act 92-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer > system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles. A recent > study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nightime Highway Traffic > Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles > and the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicle Research. It has shown that > 96% of all Ohio nightime highway accidents are caused by a blonde getting > her foot caught in the steering wheel........ > > 396 A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the > plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency > cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells > "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?" > > 397. Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? > A: She sneezes. > > 398 Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was > composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ? > A: "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?" > > 399. Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.? > A: Nail polish! > > 400. Q: What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant? > A: Take her to the petting zoo. > > 401. Q: How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof? > A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house > > 402. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? > A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. > > 403. Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? > A: A vacant posession. > > 404. Q: What did the blonde's dentist find? > A: Teeth in the cavity. > > 405. Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her > ears? > A: She's trying to hold on to a thought. > > 406. Q: WHat does a car fatality and a blonde have in common? > A: Put either in a car and their fucked. > > 407. Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex? > A: A padded dash. > > 408. Q: Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens? > A: They couldn't find their eraser. > > 409. Q: What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde? > A: To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period). > > 410. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? > A: Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. > > 411. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? > A: She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking! > > 412. Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? > A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was. > > 413. A blonde working in a office is constantly being kidded about > how dumb she is; so one evening she goes home and studies a > map of the United States. > The next day she goes into the office and announces that she > knows all 50 states and their capitols. > One of her office mates says, "OK, whats the capitol of Wyoming?" > and the blonde replies, "W." > > 414. Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night > gave you a good blow-job? > A: The sheets are sucked up your ass. > > 415. Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? > A: Because it said 'concentrate'. > > > And the finale > 416. Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? > A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke > List. > >------------------------------------------------------------------------- > **editor's note** > I forgot to note that if you have ammendations, or notes of repeated jokes, > please send either the joke, (and only the joke, I don't want ot have to read > millions of jokes that I've already seen for just one), or the numbers of the > repeated jokes, and I'll do what I can to fix up the next list. > Matt Weed